


Redhead Rumble: MST3K vs Marvel

by Paycheckgurl



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000, Renew Your Vows, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man Renew Your Vows
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Kinga is a supervillian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 07:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12104094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paycheckgurl/pseuds/Paycheckgurl
Summary: The Spider-Family takes a trip to moon to stop the evil Kinga Forrester, a kidnapper with nefarious mad science schemes brewing. Can Spinneret (aka Mary Jane Watson-Parker) stop the evil redhead's plans, or will she be captured and become the next victim of the long running Mystery Science Theater 3000 experiment?  Find out Next Sunday AD.





	Redhead Rumble: MST3K vs Marvel

**Author's Note:**

> Response to a Tumblr prompt "send me a fake fic title and tell me what it's about". Now it's a real fic title.
> 
> This story is set in the Spider-Man Renew Your Vows comic verse. For those unfamiliar with Renew Your Vows it's a spin-off AU of the main Spider-Man comics where pretty much everything is similar to "classic" Spider-Man status quo, except that Mary Jane fights crime with Peter and their kid daughter Annie. MJ's superhero name is Spinneret and Annie goes by Spiderling. I *hope* I explained enough about both fandoms in the story itself that this is easy enough to follow along with if you're unfamiliar with either side. 
> 
> If you're coming in from the Renew Your Vows side, pretty much all you need to know about MST3K is that Kinga is mad scientist and she's torturing a kidnapped guy and his robot pals with bad movies, and airs the results on her TV show (in addition to playing around with a bunch of other mad science genetic experiments and just generally tampering in god's domain).

Spinneret stood with her white and red gloved hands on her hips on the overly landscaped lawn of the X-Mansion, as Spiderling excited waved at Professor X. As Spiderling waved the shiny metal armor pieces that made up the pint sized heroine’s costume set off a glare from the sun and her red braids bounced back and forth. This was already the second time the X-Men had seen fit to invite Spinneret and her superhero partners (aka her family) to gallivant off upstate for a favor. She should start calling them for favors. Nightcrawler's teleporting had to come in handy to help her stock her boutique somehow, right? 

It was her husband, Spider-Man, who finally asked the million dollar question.

“Not that we don’t enjoy the company Chuck,” he said jovially. “But you mind telling us why you called us up here?” 

Xavier chuckled. “‘Up here’...should you agree to help with this you might find that be an interesting choice of words.” 

Spinneret sighed. That sounded oddly like suspenseful buildup. Yep, there was definitely a mission afoot, and her family was definitely about to get tangled up in something. And Professor X was definitely passively reading thoughts because he seemed to chuckle to himself just as she got to “tangled up”. Bad spider power puns were a family trait, she wasn’t that sorry. And she was going to leave the invasie mind reading jokes to Spidey because she knew the professor wasn’t going to dig for anything beyond the very little details about herself she let the public be aware of, lest they connect the dots back to her identity. 

“Do you remember when you called a few weeks ago, about that warehouse housing the strange transmission fluid and what looked like the remnants of a genetic lab?

Spinneret and Spider-Man exchanged a look.  _ Oh that _ . About two weeks ago they had both gotten bored during the workday while Spiderling was in school, and independently decided to go out on a patrol. And both ended up meeting up when there was a small explosion in what was supposed to be a currently vacant warehouse. Instead they’d undercovered what looked like a whole bunch of mad science goodies that were very much not supposed to be there. They’d call it in to the NYPD, and helped to make sure there were no civilians (or hiding criminals) that needed rescuing from the burning chemical fumes. Given the nature of the goop and the lab, the Spiders had initially assumed it might be related to their ongoing trouble with the Osborn family, but they had been unable to turn up any clues that pointed definitively in that direction. The only real clue they had to go off was that the materials seemed to have been shipped from a bunch of addresses in the Midwest, centered around Minneapolis and Wisconsin, and had been there at least a year. They’d called around to a number of their contacts in the superhero business, just in case it was one of “their” villains they’d happened across. Figures in the end it would be an X-Men problem. 

“It isn’t an X-Men problem necessarily,” said Professor X, again cutting into her thoughts. “That is to say there are no mutant extremist behind it and frankly I need to keep my team and my students here to deal with those threats at the moment. But I figured the three of you might be willing to lend a hand. If you follow me, I can explain more.” 

The Professor led them inside the mansion, to two middle aged men she’d never seen before. If the two were X-Men they weren’t in the standard uniform, dressed instead in average looking khakis and polo shirts. They were both on the taller side with the one with dirty blonde hair and a pronounced chin on the right looking a tad taller. The slightly shorter one standing to the left, who had graying hair and a sleepy look in his blue eyes, shot them a small half smile, but looked a bit a concerned. The other one, the blonde one, folded his arms and looked outright annoyed. 

“We asked you to help our friends and you’re sending us a seven year old?” he said. 

“Hey I’m eight!” exclaimed Spiderling.

Spidey and Spinneret sighed. “Don’t tell strangers how old you are you are in costume,” chastised Spidey. 

Both men looked increasingly skeptical. 

“Spiderling isn’t going to be on the front lines of-whatever this is-she’s just here so we can keep an eye on her,” explained Spinneret. 

“If I may,” said Professor X “Spiderling also has a very special gift. Her Spider-Sense goes beyond the power of quick precognition her father has and allows her visions of what may come. In layman’s terms, she’s a psychic.”

“My head gets all tingly and it hurts like a headache, but I can see what will happen!” she exclaimed. 

“Spiderling, Spinneret, Spider-Man, meet Joel Robinson and Mike Nelson,”  They-well I believe it’s best that they explain.”  

The eye lens on Spidey’s costume went wide with sudden recognition, Spinneret tilted her head as her husband seemed to be putting something together as the two men extended their hands for a handshake. 

“Right well, the easiest way to explain this...have you ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000?” asked the one with the dry sounding inflictions. 

“Oh wow it is you two guys! I almost didn’t recognize you without the jumpsuits, but I used to watch you guys all the time. ‘Watch Out For Snakes’ and all that. Heck, I even...I mean my friend who definitely, totally isn’t me...sent you a letter once.” 

The blonde’s eyebrows shot up in amusement. 

“Uh what’s that?” asked Spiderling. “Are these guys actors?”

“Not...exactly,” the blonde, Mike apparently, said. 

“We were test subjects of an experiment to drive humanity insane with the worst movie ever made,” explained the other one, Joel. “I was kidnapped by my bosses at the Gizmonic Institute and shot into orbit on a satellite. Part of the experiment was isolation, but I built robots-advanced artificial intelligence with their own personalities and their own wills-for company. Mike was a temp they hired and ended up taking taking my place as the test subject once I managed to escape. Anyways, the experiments were broadcast to Earth on cable for a bit so the Mads-uh the mad scientist that were holding us captive-could have some extra income. I think most people that watched it thought the whole kidnapped angle was a gimmick for TV though, or that we weren’t in space in the first place…”   

“Oh wow,” said Spinneret “that sounds awful, but...you escaped a while ago, right?”

“It’s not us you have to worry about,” said Mike. “It’s our friends, the bots. And the new test subject. The experiments started again and they’re stuck.”

“We think Kinga, the new woman in charge of the experiments now and the daughter of the guy that started all of this, might be tampering in God’s domain with what she’s got cooking up there and the experiments are going beyond just the movies. If we don’t shut her down-and I know this might sound dramatic but bear with me-her experiments might just tear a hole in the multiverse. I mean we’re talking multiple dimensional manipulations, illegal genetic experimentation, danger death rays, asteroids loose hurling towards Earth, the works. We need to get Jonah, the new test subject, and the bots out of there and shut her down.” 

“I decided to come to you three because the base of operations is built on a complicated system of ventilation. Perfect for your wall crawling abilities,” said the Professor. 

“So wait that means…” began Spidey. 

“OMG WE’RE GOING ON A FIELD TRIP TO SPACE!” exclaimed Spiderling.

* * *

 

_ One Trip into Orbit Later… _

“So how did this team mission end with me being the only one to go down to the villainess’ evil lair?” asked Spinneret. 

“Ann...I mean Spiderling,” said Spidey, watching Mike and Joel who were helping them with the trip closely, “is staying here and away from this. Especially if she has a vision. And I need to help Joel with the other science facts stuff."

“We’ll be monitoring you from up here,” said Joel. “We can only get close enough to let person down and then have to jet out of there or the ‘show trap’, her ship trapping rig, can catch us, but we’ll have the shields up.”

Spinneret activated the glowing spider on the back of her slick white and red spandex costume. Very carefully and as stealthy as they could manage, the ship docked and Spinneret made her way to Moon 13.    

 

The mission is simple, Spinneret thought to herself. Down here were the keys to the new test subject’s space ship, and the access codes for all the sciencey things Joel needed extra information on. Neat. Alright. Let’s do this. Grab the keys, knock out and apprehend this Kinga girl, get the robots and the guy on the satellite down to the ship so they can fly away to freedom. Easy. Almost immediately an alarm triggered, because of course it did. 

“My, my my what do we have here,” taunted a young woman dressed in a dark peacoat with purple trim. Like Spinneret, the woman’s vibrant red hair was arranged in a bun. Unlike Spinneret, the woman’s hair had chopsticks shaped like little bones peaking out of it. Kinga Forrester had made an appearance. “Did you think I don’t have cameras all over this place? That we didn’t detect your craft in local space?”

“Alright, gig’s up,” said Spinneret. “I’m here to shut you down.”

“Nah,” said Kinga. “Skelton crew!” 

An army of men dressed in bike helmets with bones stick out of them began flailing around. They were a bit stronger than the average human being, and there were a lot of them swarming her at once. But she had the proportion strength of a spider-and she was going to send them flying. 

Punch.

 

Punch. 

 

Wham.

 

Whack.

“Um...I’m a bit of a pacifist, can I just like put my hands up?” asked one of the skeleton crew. 

“Oh for crying loud,” exclaimed Kinga. “Just grab her!” 

Spinneret leaped above the boneheads, swinging from the ceiling above. Kinga angrily turned a key on the back wall of the Moon 13 base. The key unleashed a large metallic wormlike creature from the ceiling. 

Chomp. 

It went after Spinneret. She leapt. 

“Meet Reptilicus Metalicus,” taunted Kinga. “Or as you might know him, the last thing you are ever going to see!” 

Spinneret began leaping around the metallic contraption, it’s teeth bared and it barreled across Moon 13’s ceiling. 

 

Leap. 

 

Snarl. 

 

Bite. 

 

She leapt on the metal worm, riding it like a rodeo bull-a move she was absolutely not going to admit she stole from watching reruns of Spongebob with her daughter. The creature’s mouth couldn’t reach her, and if she just managed to punch through the metal...

Beside her, Kinga’s silver haired second banana stood tall (or as tall as a 5’3 man could stand), attempting to hide the fact he was nervous. And a bit awed. 

“Max!” she demanded, “load up that computer with that algorithm and start doing some research.” 

Kinga slammed a button, and a tube appeared, sucking her down to the lower levels, whooshing Spinneret down. 

* * *

 

_ Meanwhile… _

Spiderling stood abroad the small space crafting hovering around the moon and watched as her father and the guy in the red jumpsuit, Joel, pressed some buttons. The one in the blue jumpsuit stood looking at the window. 

“You’re not allowed to touch anything either then?” he asked. 

“Why did they call you Mike Nelson destroyer of worlds before they told you to stand over here?”  

“Don’t worry about it.” 

“But-” as she was about to argue it happened. A vision. Her face froze and her head positively pounded, but all she was focused on was what she was seeing.

“Hey kid? You alright?” asked Mike, trying to get her attention as it began to fade. 

“It’s MOM!” she cried. “We got to help her! I saw, I saw...actually this would be really cool if she wasn’t in danger, but she is and I saw…”

* * *

 

“...dinosaurs, seriously? What were laser sharks too cliche?” 

Spinneret leaped above a charging triceratops, desperately trying to stare it away. The herbivore was the least of her problems though. That was the so called King of All Dinosaurs that was catching up. 

“Would it help if I called you clever girl?” she quipped. 

Thwip! She webbed up the large dinosaurs arms and legs. 

Swish!

She soared away from a charging Iguanodon. 

I really hope this works , she thought as she hid behind a stegosaurus. A second T Rex came barreling towards her as she leapt away, the creature distracted by the spiky meal in front of her. 

Sorry buddy, she thought, but if that barbeque sign she has hanging up means what I think it means, this is going to be the better way to go. 

She bolted her way of the dinosaur chambers to a room sealed off with a metal door. 

“Movie containment chambers,” read a sign on the door. 

She forced the doors open. 

Kinga was waiting for her, arms crossed and looking steely eyed. 

“Alright the kids gloves are officially off,” declared Kinga. “I had Max here dig up some dirt, and put some pieces together for me. Fun little fact, Peter Parker, the photographer that takes pictures of Spider-Man for the Daily Bugle, is married to a redhead that looks a lot like you. A former actress with a clothing boutique. And has a pwecious little daughter that...hmmm is probably about Spiderling’s age. Did you know he takes pictures mostly by drones, almost like if he wanted to he could be two places at once? That’s right, I have a good idea who you are under that mask-Mary Jane Watson-Parker-and you're going to do what I say or your family gets it. And what I say is I’m sending you up to that satellite, promoting the hell out of my new recurring character and the return of TV’s Mary Jane Watson. And if Jonah escapes I have the perfect new test subject ready to go. You saw the buzz when Doctor Who announced a female Doctor? Imagine what will happen when MST is ready to announce a new female test subject?” 

“If we're going with that do you think we can revisit me being TV’s Son of TV’s…” began her henchman. 

“No!” she barked. 

“No one,” said Spinneret, “threatens my family, and gets away with!” she punched Kinga cold to the ground, webbing the other redhead’s hands for good measure. 

“Why you…” began her second banana. 

She picked him off the ground with one hand. 

“Keys. Space ship. Now,” she demanded. “And tell me how to get up to the satellite. Or I swear I will punch her again. And you for good measure.” 

Max squeaked. “Okay.”

* * *

 

Spinneret dragged Max, now webbed up, and the still unconscious Kinga up to the transport tube. There was once again a whoosh of air as the suction hit, but she did her best to restrain her impulse to scream like she was on a rollercoaster. Kinga may have been neutralized for now, but she was still upset at the information she had, pretty easily from the sound of it, put together. It was not a time for whimsy but some urgency. 

The universe apparently felt like contradicting her because she arrived to the sight of a guy and two small robots gleefully playing with a colorful pinata. 

“Um…” asked the human, Jonah apparently. A very tall young guy wearing a bright yellow jumpsuit. 

She tossed him the keys. 

“You’re free,” said told him. “There’s a few more bots here, right? Do you need any help moving them?” 

“Who are you?” asked the little red robot, confused. 

“I’m the person that’s getting you out of here-now move!” 

Jonah seemed like the type of person that was relatively quick on his feet and adaptable, quickly moving to help the large purple robot connected to ceiling down, as well as remove their camera-“Cambot" apparently- off a series of tracks. Two other bots- a little orange guy and a green bot practically glued to a little child sized piano-filed forward. The skinny gold bot went and grabbed some random odds and ends, while the red one emerged with a stack of underwear “don’t question it”. 

“Is there anything I can do to thank you?” asked Jonah. 

“Land safely. Joel and Mike are in a craft above us-they’re going to beam you some coordinates for where your meteor payload is at.” 

Jonah nodded.

Soon his small little truck-like craft took off, and Joel docked his ship.  Spidey came running out. 

“Are you okay Spiderling had a vision that-”

He stopped upon seeing she the tied up villians. 

“Handled it,” she said simply, as Spiderling flung in to hug her. 

“Jonah’s on his way down with the robots. There’s a few more employees down on the moon-I webbed them up but felt keeping an eye on these two was more important.” 

The others nodded.  

Home sweet Earth, was just a quick ride away. 

* * *

 

_ Two Weeks Later… _

“What do you mean she escaped!” exclaimed Mary Jane. The husband and wife were sitting in their living room, a look of obvious worry was all over her face. “Peter she knows who we are! She figured us out. She knows about  _ Annie. _ ”

“MJ, it’s okay. That woman does not do subtle. If she does anything we’ll know. It’s literally going to be on the front page of Netflix. We blew her moonbase up. There’s a few Avengers and X-Men keeping tabs at her grandmother’s old place and in the old subbasement of the Gizmonic Institute her dad used to broadcast out of. If she tries to regroup there we’ll know.” 

The TV, which was showing the local news, flashed out. A purple placard bearing a the silhouette of a familiar woman beamed on its place. 

“Spinneret,” declared Kinga “You know that I know something very important. I won’t spill the beans yet; I’m sitting on that until the perfect moment can arise. Just know that is a formal announcement that I, Kinga Forrester, am declaring myself your arch enemy. You better watch yourself. And watch me on Season 12 of Mystery Science Theater.” 

Behind her was Jonah, bound in ropes, and three of the robots. She heard a yelp for help that sounded like Mike’s voice off camera. 

“Yeah,” said MJ slowly. “You were right about one thing...she really doesn’t do subtle...” 

_ And the adventure continues…  _


End file.
